I’m late to this party of unemployment. I had worked steadily for almost 45 years before I was ever unemployed, and to this day, I still cringe when I remember what it was like to wake up and have no place to go. I didn’t need to pack my lunch or my planner. I didn’t need to check my schedule and do my morning ritual before leaving for the day. It didn’t matter if I had gas in my car because I had no place to go, no calls to make, no meetings to attend.

I felt my world and life had ended.

I actually didn’t know what to do or where to go, so I sat down with my coffee and cried.

I was scared. No, I was terrified and couldn’t move.

From the time I was 14 and first started working – getting paid to babysit the neighborhood kids – to McDonald’s, retail stores, church work and long term office manager and training gigs – I have never not supported myself. I believed that if you worked hard, were a loyal employee, your employer would always be there and would always pay you. As long as you did your job the best that you could, your boss would always keep you and provide whatever was necessary for you to work and be a good employee,

All we want to do is earn a paycheck for the work we do.

Yes, times have changed since I was younger. They changed drastically one day for me. Actually, the day had been coming for 2 years but I didn’t want to know it. I hadn’t gotten a raise in 10 years but the owner was doing fine. Between his income from another company he owned and his wife’s income, life was good for him.

I remember seeing pictures of the mountains of presents his wife had purchased for the upcoming Christmas.

I also remember not only not having the money to buy presents, I didn’t have the gas money to go see my family. It was going to be another Christmas with friends and telling my parents that I couldn’t get away for a few days.

As a single woman with no help, I started to feel the pinch 2 years before I lost my job. I kept hoping it would get better, that I was going to be alright as soon as things turned around but those thoughts felt empty and insincere.

There I was, after almost 20 years of blood, sweat, and tears invested in a company I believed in, I was no longer relevant. My job was ending and there wasn’t anything I could do about it. One day I was employed. Struggling, but employed.

Then one day – poof – gone and I was faced with starting over at the age of 60 years old.

I had never been without work and a panic started that has not left me, even though I am currently working 2 part-time jobs. That panic, that feeling of terror, is with me 24/7. Never have I been so scared as I was then.

I had no idea what to do, where to go, or who to talk to. I asked for help on what I should do, and some of the advice helped, but there was also advice that not only was bad, some of it could have been harmful if I had taken it.

The bad advice I got was short and sweet, but if I knew then what I know now, I doubt I would have done it.

1. First and foremost, the advice of applying for unemployment was not a good idea.

I don’t begrudge anyone doing it. Don’t get me wrong. It helped me for a short period of time, and was far from more than enough, but it created a feeling of being degraded and a loser. I was shocked at how little I was allowed after more that 45 years of paying into it. I assumed it would help me get back on my feet, but it barely made a dent in my finances.

On top of that, I was very careful to report to the penny any and all income I had earned while looking for work. I would pick up some gig here and there and I reported it correctly.

But about a year later, I received a notice from them that they had overpaid me and I now owed them almost $2,000.00!

I am not kidding. I called, emailed, sent letters and faxes, and all of them not only were ignored, the threats on seizing my accounts started. I protested the decision, requested numerous demands for a review but those also fell on deaf ears.

I hadn’t done anything wrong, but was now being treated as a criminal from the department that made the mistake.

If I should ever say I need to apply again, do me this favor: show me this article that I just wrote and then if that doesn’t make me come to my senses, drag me out to the street and kick me. I would deserve it.

2. “Just do what you love.”

Yeah..well…I love to drink coffee, stalk people on Facebook, eat ice cream and take naps.

Telling someone to do what they love doesn’t pay the bills. Unemployed people need work and money. We really don’t care what we have to do to earn money, we’ll do it. Loving or even just liking it is not relevant. A paycheck is all that is relevant. Period.

3. “Don’t settle. Get the job you want.”

What job? Don’t settle? Do you not get that there’s NOTHING to settle on? I’m out of work. I need a job. If I had the choice of NOT settling, then I wouldn’t be unemployed!” If I had an abundance of choices and job offers, then that would make sense.

But to tell someone who is scouring the internet, friends, family and anyone who will be brave enough to make eye contact with you, to not settle, is like telling a person dying of thirst to not drink sodas because they’re bad for you.

God that makes my head hurt.

4. “Don’t give up.”

OK, this one I agree with in general. You do have to keep going and moving forward BUT I think it’s a good idea when you’ve sent out your millionth resume with no response, give up for the day or at least the afternoon or evening when you just can’t take it anymore. It’s OK to give up; just don’t stay there the next day. You don’t have to be Superman or Superwoman every second of every day. You can walk away for a bit and go do something fun or stupid, then come back and start again.

It’s bad advice when it comes from someone who is doing well and had never been in your situation. If they had, they’d help you find work, send you leads, bird dog for you and help.

5. “Find a rich husband.”

Trust me, if I could, I would, so shut up about it. Seriously? If I could do that, I’d have done it long ago.

I know that people generally have good hearts and intention. I know they mean well, but as I look back when a family member was unemployed for 2 years, I realize I could have been a much better friend. I also gave bad advice without understanding what it was like. How he got by, I don’t know, but after he found work, his entire demeanor changed. He was laughing again. I saw him more. It was as if being unemployed made him feel unworthy. He didn’t want to be around us employed people and I wish I hadn’t said a word and instead done everything I could to help him find a job.

It truly does take a village and being unemployed can make a person feel as if his/her village is gone.

About the author: Susan Lewis is a freelance writer of fiction and non-fiction short stories. She also writes effective content for business and non-profits. She maintains several blogs and is an advocate for human rights and for those who have been silenced and works to be their voice. You can find her on LinkedIn here.