Spouses of military members have unique challenges when it comes to finding employment. The unemployment rate for military spouses is reported to be nearly twice the  rate  for  the  overall  U.S. population between 18 and 65. Combine this with higher rates of depression, alcohol abuse and divorce than their counterparts, and it can sometimes seem as if the military spouse is the one fighting a war.

But there is hope! I am one of these military spouses, and I spent six months out of work, applying to at least three jobs a day with no luck. (It didn’t help that I got my degree in communication and English, and I specialize in the rapidly changing field of print journalism. Ah, the romantic idealism of liberal arts majors.)

Though I would never wish it on anybody, this season of disappointment taught me a few tips and tricks to better manage the job search minefield:

1. If you’re moving every three or four years, you don’t have time to be shy.

The fact that you may move to a new state with just a couple months’ notice is not a shining point in a cover letter or interview. And the question about your “five-year goal” comes up more often than you’d think. If you ever move to a new country, you get the added bonus of trying to learn a new culture, language and set of laws before you can even set foot in a business. But the more moves you make, the more you realize that people come and go. If you have an awkward interview with a potential employer, they’ll forget it and move on, just as you should. So get out and meet as many people working in your desired field as you can.

According to Deloitte, a multinational professional consultant service, 40 percent of recruiters use referral programs with input from current employees, and only about 15 percent will use public job boards. That means instead of spending hours in front of a screen sending your résumé to every job you’re even mildly qualified for or interested in, your precious time would be better spent visiting company events and job fairs, and talking face-to-face with professionals in your desired field. People love talking about themselves, and many would be happy to take you up on an offer of coffee to give you a few tips, or even refer you.

A year and a half ago, when I moved to the city I now live in, absolutely no news agencies were hiring. That didn’t stop me from visiting the three newspapers and two magazines within a reasonable commute from me. I checked their publishing deadlines and showed up around lunchtime to ensure I caught them when they weren’t too busy, and simply chatted with the editor about where I came from, my background and what I would like to do. Then I left my business card and a copy of my résumé, thanked them for their time, and left.

I didn’t see any results from my efforts until about a month later, when a few of the editors I talked to started bouncing freelance stories that they didn’t have time to complete my way.

Then, a couple months after that, the newspaper I most wanted to work at had one employee unexpectedly switch to a different job, at the same time another had been planning to retire. Because the editor already knew who I was and had seen my work, she offered me a job on the spot, before she ever even advertised the position to the public.

After I had been in that job for a few weeks, I got a call from another paper I had visited, also looking to offer me a job. I politely turned her down, but it felt good to have a choice.. And it never would have happened if I had been too scared to be the crazy lady who shows up in the middle of lunch.

2. If you ever want to have a retirement, you’ll have to build it on your own.

Even once you land a job, this gypsy life you lead is still troublesome for career progression and long-term planning. With America’s economy in its current shape, Social Security could very well collapse, or at least shrink to the point where it will be useless to you once you retire. Because you’ll never be in a position long enough for your employer to contribute to a private retirement account, you have to be very responsible and diligent at setting aside money on your own if you don’t want to rely on your spouse’s retirement alone.

My advice would be to start an IRA early, with small regular contributions that you can make even in seasons of unemployment. Get into the habit of setting money aside, and eventually you won’t even feel the difference in your paycheck. If you don’t think you can manage that, banks even offer special “spousal IRAs” that allow your spouse to contribute to your account when you’re not working (provided he/she can pay for his own at the same time).

3. Don’t compare your career with your spouse’s. You both sacrifice, and you both should be proud.

Watching as your spouse gets multiple promotions and builds up leave and retirement while you consistently work as a new entry can be disheartening. In my first few years of marriage, I struggled with this a lot. I actually used to wish my husband made less money for our family, so I could feel as if I was helping out equally. I’ve since learned that more money is not a bad thing, and there are other ways to be instrumental to a family besides laying down a paycheck every two weeks.

Military spouses often take care of the household and children, as military employees tend to work weird hours or be gone for extended periods of time. If your spouse deploys, then you have to take care of everything at home and work, including the stuff your spouse usually does. My husband was gone for only six weeks once, and I panicked when I realized he never told me the password for our online payments to the power company — that was always “his job.”

When I said “I do,” I also agreed to accept those frequent moves, the changes in marital roles, the loneliness during deployments, and many other hardships. But I also got the benefits of having excellent health care, exploring the country, going to fancy military balls once a year (definitely a fun perk) and just going through life with my love. There will most likely be more seasons of unemployment for me in my future, but I know we can make it through, just as we have in the past.

About the Author: Courtney Duke Graves is a newspaper journalist and freelance writer/editor. To read more of her ramblings or hire her for freelance work, visit her personal blog or email her at courtd6@vt.edu.